Wacky Wednesday: It's Kind of a Funny Day...

Happy Wednesday!

For your viewing pleasure...

(Interview with an Idiot)

(Hannah Mantegna)

Hannah Mantegna with Joe Mantegna from Joe Mantegna

(I thought most women loved this)

(Hide Yo kids, Hide Yo Wife, Hide Yo...iPhone?)

(Luke Skywalker has OCD)

(Weathermen are perverts...)

(Coolest Video Ever!)

(And of course, Unnecessary Censorship)

If I were Dodger General Manager...or Ned's Assistant...

According to multiple reports, Frank McCourt is apparently now flush with TV ad revenue and says he's willing to spend money this off-season. Assuming he loses his divorce case, he will still retain control of the team for a couple of years thanks to the lengthy appeals process. Assuming that he is willing to spend some money (Though not Yankee money) to make this team a contender, I'm going to give an assessment of where I would spend it.

Let's start with the Dodger's position players:


Pos    No    Player    
 C       55      Martin (ARB)    
1B       7       Loney  (ARB)   

2B      13      Theriot (FA)  
3B      23      Blake      

SS      15      Furcal     

LF      30       Paul        
CF      27      Kemp     

RF      16      Ethier    

INF    14      Carroll   

C       17       Ellis         

C       28       Barajas (FA)       

   

Problems
There are a couple of problems here. First and foremost, Xavier Paul is not an everyday Left Fielder. However, he's also not expensive and is very solid in a back-up type of role. Theriot is a solid, if unspectacular 2nd Baseman and would come relatively cheap. Blake is no longer and everyday 3rd baseman and Russell Martin doesn't hit. Furcal is an MVP candidate when healthy, but he hasn't been healthy in 2 years.

Bright Spots
Andre Ethier is an all-star and is becoming a team leader. Matt Kemp, despite having a down year, still hit 28 Home Runs and drove in 89 RBI's. If he can put it all together, he's a potential MVP-type player. James Loney continues to hit well and many in the organization predict a power surge in the near future.

What Would Kevin Do?
It's time for Russell Martin to move on. He's still young and has high trade value, but is not working well in LA. re-signing Rod Barajas to platoon with AJ Ellis, who was great down the stretch last season, would more than make-up for Martin's departure while costing a fraction of his salary. Furcal is in his walk year and would not net much return, so there is no reason to get rid of him. Plus, Jamey Carroll is more than capable as a back-up, allowing Furcal to have more rest days. Theriot can be re-signed as well for 1-2 years until prospect David DeJesus is ready to step in.

On the Free Agent Market, although Carl Crawford is a top FA in the OF, the Dodgers need more power. Bringing back Jayson Werth or 2-3 year deal for Adam Dunn would add some much needed pop to the middle of the order, although Werth is expected to command a 5-6 year deal at between $10-13 million per year. Casey Blake is a great leader and clubhouse guy, and can still play, but not everyday. There is a mutual interest in returning Adrian Beltre to the Dodgers, who enjoyed a resurgent year and still has plenty of good years left. 4 years at $11-12 million would get it done.


Kevin's Re-tooled Roster       

C       28       Barajas
1B       7       Loney   

2B      13      Theriot  
3B      ???      Beltre     

SS      15      Furcal    
RF      ???     Werth/Dunn
CF      27      Kemp    
LF      16      Ethier   

INF    14      Carroll  
LF      30       Paul
3B      23      Blake
C       17       Ellis



We now move on to the Starting Pitching rotation:

Pos    No    Player

SP     22       Kershaw   
SP     58       Billingsley (ARB)
SP     29       Lilly           

SP     48       Ely            
SP     37       Monasterios

Problems
The Dodgers have only 3 proven starters on their current roster, and in a division with the Giants, Padres and Rockies, that's not going to work. Ely and Monasterios has some mild success, but ultimately need more seasoning or a change of direction. Vicente Padilla's inability to stay healthy means he won't be back.

Bright Spots
 Clayton Kershaw is officially a staff ace. He keeps getting better and better each year, and Chad Billingsley is finally past the mental mistakes that plagued him previously. Ted Lilly was incredible after being acquired and re-signing him was a great move to shore up the middle of the rotation.

What Would Kevin Do?
As I mentioned previously, Russ Martin is good trade bait, and Zach Greinke of the Royals is available. With the Yankees busy in pursuit of Cliff Lee, the Dodgers are primed to make an offer. Martin, John Ely and another prospect would more than likely get the deal done. As for the 5th starter, Monasterios should be the leading candidate heading into spring training.

Kevin's Re-tooled Roster
SP     22       Kershaw
SP     ???      Greinke  
SP     58       Billingsley
SP     29       Lilly                    
SP     37       Monasterios




And now, the bane of my existence, the bullpen:

Pos    No    Player
CL         51      Broxton

LHP       56      Kuo 
RHP      74      Jansen 
RHP      54      Belisario 
RHP      38      Troncoso 
RHP      50       Link 
RHP      59      Schlichting

Problems
Where do I even begin? Broxton was a mess in the 2nd half, Torre overused Troncoso, Belisario had too many personal issues to count, Cory Wade is still injured and the depth isn't there.

Bright Spots
Kuo was lights out all year long, Jansen came out of nowhere and dominated, Troncoso was solid before fatigue set in and Broxton's first half earned him a spot as the All-Star game closer.

What Would Kevin Do?
It's not hopeless, but this is where to hit Free Agency hard. Link and Schlichting need more seasoning and will be back in the minor's. Broxton will have an off-season to clear his head and the rest of the bullpen will get much needed rest, after consecutive extended seasons. Going after Scott Downs and Jose Contreras with a vengeance could probably net both. Relievers are seen as an after-thought in Free Agency but making them top priorities (while still going after OF and 3B needs) would put the Dodgers in the driver's seat. Joe Beimel


Kevin's Re-tooled Roster
CL         51      Broxton
LHP       56      Kuo  
RHP      74      Jansen 
RHP      54      Belisario 
RHP      38      Troncoso 
LHP       ??       Downs
RHP      ??       Contreras

Monday Madness: Baseball Playoffs

Had a fun weekend, though my hangover is just now starting to subside...

Sports-wise, we all know that for someone of my taste, it wasn't a good one. In baseball, the SF Giants (Literally my most hated team ever) beat the Philadelphia Phillies (another team I despise) to go to the World Series.

I'll give the Giants credit: they played very well, albeit against a much worse Phillies team than they had the past two years. As an unapologetic hater of all things Giants, i'm clearly not happy about this. Still, I have reason for hope and optimism.

1. They're playing a very good Texas Rangers squad, who boast the best postseason pitcher in baseball, Cliff Lee, and an offense that doesn't seem to have a weakness.

2. They're the Giants.

A little perspective: The Giants have literally won nothing since arriving in 'Frisco. A storied franchise while in New York, they won 5 World Series titles, the last one in 1954, however, since the move, they have lost in the World Series all 3 times they got there.

In 1962, they were beaten in Game 7 by the Yankees via a ridiculous Roger Maris catch.

In 1989, they were beaten by an amazing Oakland A's team, one of the best baseball squads I have ever seen.

In 2002, they were beaten by the Anaheim Angels, choking away a 3-2 series lead and a 7th inning, game 6 5-0 advantage.

SF Giants history tells me that they will take a series lead and screw it up, or that they will get swept, so here's hoping. It's a great feeling as a Dodger fan, to always be able to shut up Frisco fans with a little reminder that the LA Dodgers have 5 WS Titles, while the SF Giants, have zero.

A little extra motivation comes in the form of of one Bengie Molina, a Giants staple at catcher for the better part of this decade, he was traded away this season to make room for rookie catcher Buster Posey, although the trade was to...the Texas Rangers. As an integral  member of the 2002 Angels team that also beat the Giants, He may be a bit motivated to repeat past success.

However, if the Giants do end up coming through and winning the title, good for them. I'll give them their due despite my burning hatred. Regardless they have had a very good season and have benefited from brilliant trades by Brian Sabean this year after years of offensive futility.

Still, if I have to make a prediction, because of Cliff Lee and that offense, I'm saying Texas in 6.

Thirsty Thursday: Irish Coffee

Irish Coffee, a staple here in America, is the perfect after-dinner weekend drink. Not only will it sustain the buzz from your dinner drinks, but the caffeine helps to energize you for the night ahead.

In 1940's Ireland, the coffee was conceived by Irish Chef Joseph Sheridan after a group of American passengers disembarked from a Pan Am Flying Boat on a miserable winter evening in the 1940s. Sheridan added Whiskey to Warm the passengers. When the passengers asked if they were being served Brazilian Coffee, Sheridan remarked that they were drinking Irish Coffee and a cocktail was born.

The Irish Coffee is unique in the sense that there is no need for milk, sugar or whipped topping, as the cream liqueur does the job of all three.

Ingredients:

1 and a half Ounces Irish Whiskey (Jameson is a favorite)

1/2 Ounce of Irish Cream (Bailey's, of course)

Coffee to fill (Use your own taste here. I prefer hazelnut)

Pour Whiskey into a coffee mug. Add coffee, top with Irish Cream and stir.For fancier occasions, a stout wine glass will do. Enjoy!

Wacky Wednesday: The Rent is Too Damn High....

Happy Wednesday everyone.

It's especially happy for me because I get Friday off this week, so it feels more like Thursday.

Anyways, on to the videos!

Between Two Ferns...



I wish I lived in NY so I could vote for this guy....


Next big fad: People going to the Dentist to get high...


She's such a moron, but this is a catchy song.


For the 10-year old in me....


Our favorite candidate in Tennessee is back...


And of course, This Week in Unnecessary Censorship...

Halloween Costume Ideas....

Hello All.

So I'm trying to decide what my costume will be for this year, but am currently stumped. I usually try to go with funny, but I also wouldn't mind just an awesome looking costume.

Here are my current top three:

Jabba the Hutt

 King Leonidas

 Free Mammogram Machine

Jabba

This would be a very cool costume as I am kind of a Star Wars nerd, but I'm not nearly fat enough. 

Leonidas

I've been wanting to be this character, but I don't want to use the fake body suit. Problem is, I'm about a month away from being able to pull this off with my own body. Stupid slow gym process...

Mammogram Machine

I can't think of any cons with this one.

Any ideas? Votes? Suggestions?

Monday Malaise

I am so freaking tired.

But I'm off on Friday, so it's cool.

Some quick updates:

- I'm going to be moving pretty soon, so there might be a few days where there is no update in the coming weeks.

- I went to the USC Football game this past Saturday with my buddy Scott and had an awesome time. They were up 42-0 on Berkley at halftime, which was awesome because those Nor Cal fans like to talk shit (Sorry Bananas).

- The Chargers officially blow. That's all.

- Had a decent time at my college homecoming this weekend. Can't believe I graduated 5 freaking years ago!

Ok so now on to my mini-rant.

Here in California, we're in the midst of a Gubernatorial election cycle.The Governator is termed-out (thank god) and the man who I think would make possibly the greatest governor ever, Gavin Newsom, is only running for Lieutenant Governor. This leaves us with Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman.

Jerry Brown is a former Governor who is running again after being elected to nearly every office in California at some point. He's incredibly honest, even sometimes to his own detriment, and definitely a dying breed among politicians. He lives very modestly and is an advocate for the little guy, however, has a penchant for taxing in order to help pay for things.

Meg Whitman is the former CEO of eBay, which she makes sure to point out every 5 seconds as though that qualifies her for the highest office in the state. She keeps touting this amazing "plan" to balance the budget, which strangely resembles every other failed Republican economic plan ever.

Still, everyone, including Whitman herself, keeps pointing out that because she successfully ran a corporation, she will be able to do an amazing job as Governor. I'm not quite sure when this happened, but at some point people started assuming that if someone successfully runs a company, they will transfer that over to the political arena with the same results. Outside of Michael Bloomberg, it's absolute bullshit.

There's a reason that an MBA is different from an MPA (Masters in Public Administration). Politics and business are different in many ways, but i'll give you the key component: people.

A business needs people to operate, however, people can be let go or leave. A business chases a bottom line which makes the owners and top-level people richer. When a government operates in this fashion, you end up with recession, poverty and, eventually, revolution. A government can't just let people go, and in America, rarely are people leaving for a rival country. China isn't sitting there offering Americans a better salary or benefits to come to their country. When the top-level people in the country are becoming richer thanks to the government, everyone else tends to get poorer. A business model is not acceptable for a government.

As Governor, your primary duty is to make sure the people in your state have the opportunity to obtain gainful employment, and if not, are able to receive unemployment or other benefits until they return to the workforce, thereby preventing homelessness.

You have to care about people and work diligently towards improving their lot in life, not making money and getting richer. Until Meg Whitman and people like her understand this, her and those like her, will continue to fail.

Funny Picture Friday: Kevin Returns

Hi everyone.

I was out of the office Wednesday and Thursday because my organization held a large (and very successful) charity golf tournament. However, I am back now, and for your Friday enjoyment, here is Funny Picture Friday!

(I hope it wasn't supposed to be "Glenda")

(If you see someone drowning, Lol!!)

(Psshhh, soccer...)

(Aww that's cute! The snake is cuddling with lunch!)

(When the need to cuddle arises, anyone will do.)

(I'm not OK with the source of that "Maple Syrup")

(He's very excited about his Doppler)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Tuesday's Charity: Para Los Niños

In their own words.....


"Over the last 30 years, Para Los Niños has served some of the most vulnerable children and families in Los Angele and San Bernardino Counties. Founded on the premise of providing opportunities for children living in the depths of poverty, Para Los Niños aims to close the achievement gap by supporting thousands of at-risk children and their families with integrated, responsive and innovative educational and social services that will propel them on paths to succeed in life.

 
In October 1979, the Los Angeles Times published an article that galvanized a community. It was the first of many to spotlight the plight of children and families living in the depths of despair in Los Angeles’ inner cities. It spoke of children living in Skid Row, locked in hotel rooms or left alone to wander dangerous neighborhood streets, while their parents worked to survive. At that time, little attention was paid to these forgotten children. Few services and safe havens existed for these young boys and girls. Ninety percent did not attend school. 

Within a year of the article appearing in the Los Angeles Times, social worker Tanya Tull founded Para Los Niños. In 1980, the organization came to life in a former false eyelash factory where at-risk children, eager for a chance to learn, were offered a safe and nurturing environment filled with exploration, hope and opportunity.
Today, Para Los Niños continues to respond to the ever-growing and ever-changing needs of Southern California’s most challenging communities. The organization’s proven approach helps to build stronger, more stable families and brighter futures for children. 

Today, Para Los Niños continues to respond to the ever-growing and ever-changing needs of Southern California’s most challenging communities. The organization’s proven approach helps to build stronger, more stable families and brighter futures for children."

More Info: http://www.paralosninos.org/pp/index.php
 

Monday Madness: Sports problems and my band

Well, not a lot of madness but plenty of unrequited sports anger.

First, USC loses to Stanford. Granted, Stanford is a far better team this year and was really supposed to destroy the Trojans according to most pundits. But the men of Troy hung tough and had the game won, until the Defense decided to stop playing and Stanford drove down the field to kick a last second Field Goal.

My anger subsided after I attended my Best Friend's 90's-themed birthday party that evening and the Kings beat Vancouver in a shootout (hockey).

As far as the party goes, I was dressed basically how I did in High School: Frosted tips, spiky hair, Red Quiksilver t-shirt, baggy corduroy pants and flip-flops. Quite a blast from the past. =)

On Sunday, I played in a softball game in the early afternoon (I went 3 for 4 with 2 doubles and scored 3 times) and got home just in time to watch the Chargers lose to the Raiders. I really need to start rooting for new teams. Patriots? Maybe the Bengals. I like them anyways. Oh well.

As far as the Chargers go, there is no excuse. That coaching staff is terrible. Sure they are decent at the X's and O's, but there is an element of being able to pump your team up, and they just don't do that. The Chargers come out flat every road game, signs of a deep problem. Tom Cable (coach of the raiders) may be only a step-up from early cavemen intellectually, but he pumps his team up and has them ready to play, unlike Norv Turner, who probably has the Chargers doing a team tea-time before each game.

Anyways, enough anger. Thanks to a person who attended my cover band's last show, I have a video (not a great one) to show you all. It's our 48th song of the night (out of 50) and we're a bit tired, but I think it sounds decent.

The song is "Yellow Ledbetter" by Pearl Jam. Enjoy.