Saturday, September 6, 2008

Condi Gets Tough With Russia; World Slaps Collective Forehead


Deciding that nuclear holocaust may not be that bad of an idea, Secretary of State Michelle Obama...wait...I mean Condoleeza Rice, today told the press that the "timing isn't right" for a civilian nuclear cooperation deal with Russia.

The move fueled speculation that President Bush is planning to punish Russia for invading Georgia (Not fully realizing which Georgia is in question). How he plans to punish them is unknown, but the consensus thought is that the he plans to take away their XBOX 360 for two weeks. Russia thinks that is totally unfair and hates the US. Hates them, hates them, hates them!

Traveling (Hunting trip?) in Italy, Vice-President Dick "Dick" Cheney said, "Russia's actions are an affront to civilized standards and are completely unacceptable," clearly forgetting who he is.

This whole situation smells of a new cold war (and Chicken Parmesan). The Bush Administration are flexing their muscles at the Russians, while the Russians are acting like it's the 1950's again. 

The deal is still expected to go through at some point, but the elaborate posturing on both sides can be a bit unnerving for those of us born before Hannah Montana.

As was posted not too long ago, the US and Russia are on the verge of another cold war, and something like this isn't exactly the best way to avoid it. Making matters worse are comments by the hot-yet-crazy VP candidate Sarah Palin. 

When asked whether she thought war with Russia was a possibility, she made every effort to say yes, without actually saying yes. 

Here's hoping for military blue balls.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

McCain tags Palin as Running mate; Cougars everywhere rejoice.

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Striking a blow for Milf's and cougars all across America, GOP presidential hopeful John McCain chose Alaska Gov. Sarah "Puck Bunny" Palin as his choice for VP candidate. 

Democrats have chosen to attack Palin on her lack of experience, relative indifference to the VP position and smoking hot body. Their claims that such an inexperienced politician is just a heartbeat (or melanoma) away from the presidency, counter the Dem's actual practice of putting someone with similar experience (Though not as hot) in the position to begin with. 

Many pundits have derided the Palin choice as an attempt to win the angry, female Hillary supporters. Others have claimed that McCain wanted to counter the Democratic ticket with a minority of his own. Still others say that McCain is pandering to the socially conservative right wing of the GOP. 

I say they're all wrong.

McCain sees the need to have as many smoking hot women surrounding him in his remaining days as possible, like his hero, Hugh Hefner.

I wouldn't be surprised to see him fill-in his cabinet with Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johansson, and Jessica Alba (pre-baby).

Sure the sensible choice would have been a Joe Lieberman or Mitt Romney, but give me a break. Neither of those guys are going to act as a substitute for Viagra. Kudos to you and your obvious virility John McCain!

In other news, now that the most hyped hurricane to ever break land and disappoint disaster fanatics has come and gone, the GOP convention has finally gotten underway. Lots of old, white people talking about how much they love America, littered with a few country "music" stars singing about shoving a boot up Obama's ass. You know, the usual.

The only real memorable moment was Palin taking the stage to the tune of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne.

Maybe that was just in my head...

McCain/Milf '08.