The Problem with America

With the recent passage of healthcare reform, Conservative Americans are up in arms, saying everything from "Obama is turning the US into a communist dictatorship" to the less articulate "I'm going to leave the country if this passes".

This is the type of ignorance that upsets a logical person. Here we have a small portion of the population who truly grasp an understanding of government, the Constitution and the issues of the day, yet the loudest people are those who get 95% of their knowledge from Fox News.

I feel that, as someone who possesses a Political Science degree, it is my duty to educate the uninformed.

I am a liberal and as such, I do not agree with conservative ideology. However, those with a true understanding of government, are not social conservatives (I'll explain this later), but fiscal and economic conservatives.

Let's get started class.

1) Social Conservatism

One ideology that most intelligent liberals refuse to recognize as valid is social conservatism. Throughout history, social conservatives have been those who were Pro-Slavery, Anti-Women's Rights, Anti-Abortion, Anti-Civil Rights, and Anti- Gay Marriage, among others. The idea of social conservatism is essentially rooted in religious (usually christian) thought, which would be absolutely fine in a Theocratic Christian government. The problem with the thought process however, is that the United States is a secular government, which is explicitly stated in the constitution. Therefore, regardless of how hard they try, social conservatives will never win out.

Slavery ended, Women can vote, All skin colors have equal rights, women are allowed to choose whether or not they can have an abortion and, soon enough, homosexuals will be allowed to be officially married. Thanks to the brilliant founding fathers, progressive thought will always win out, eventually.

Social conservatives represent what is considered a powerful political ideology, however, they are not a political ideology at all. Once logic is included in the discussion, a social conservatives argument is rendered null and void, no matter how passionate he or she may be. Sadly, these people make up about half of the country. Thankfully, they matter very little.

2) Economic and Fiscal Conservatives

Now this is what a conservative truly is. Though i do not share their viewpoints, I respect these conservatives and their understanding of political thought. Many of these conservatives do not share the views of social conservatives because they understand the latter have no true grasp on reality, and are, usually, bigots.

Fiscal Conservatives believe in smaller central government, States' rights, a reduction, and gradual elimination, of state welfare, and they are usually pro-business.

Many social conservatives also adopt this platform because the Republican Party has adopted the social conservative platform. However, try not to confuse the two. Fiscal conservatives have a true understanding of government and it's functions, unlike the other group.

3) Communism and Socialism

I hear many uninformed morons constantly calling the president a socialist and a communist, with little-to-no understanding of what these actually are. Many of these idiots immediately think of Russian dictatorships and, some, even think of Nazi Germany.

First off, Nazi Germany was Fascist, which is completely different. Hitler was about as Anti-communist as they come.

Now, Communism and Socialism are not types of government. They are economic systems. Communism is not the direct antithesis to democracy. Democracy is a form of government. Capitalism and communism are both economic systems. Neither work very well, but that's a different story.

Communism is the belief that everyone in the country makes the same amount of money and shares everything. Nobody is worse or better off than their neighbor. Everyone is equal. It's a very nice thought, however it doesn't work because human nature will not allow it to work. nobody is going to work hard if they have no monetary motivation to do so. Why go to school for 8 years to become a doctor if you can make just as much money as a janitor? Therein lies the problem. A communist economy can function in a democratic government, just as a capitalist society can function in a dictatorship. They're not mutually exclusive.

Socialist capitalism is popular in Europe. Tax rates are very high, (Around 50%) but your income depends on what type of job you have, which in turn, depends on your education level. The thing is, Education, Healthcare and social services are all 100% paid for by taxes in those countries. They also have a democratic form of government with all the civil liberties that we enjoy here in the US.

Still, uninformed idiots consider this un-american. That may be the problem.

4) Kevin's Solution

So I have talked a lot about what I think is wrong with the country, and why I don't believe in Social Conservatism, but I have offered very few solutions. Well, Here you go:

Healthcare - I believe 100% in Universal Healthcare, however, the current bill is not the answer. Mandatory healthcare is a bad idea. My solution would include government-run free healthcare for those who choose it. If you are happy with your current health insurance that you pay for, keep it! There should be the ability to choose, however, as government healthcare improves, it offers a smarter choice to many consumers.

Education - This is another area in which the government should take care of it's citizens. College should be free to all US citizens. Student loans should be a thing of the past. Look at the literacy rates, test scores and success rates of people in France, Sweden and Finland compared to the US. It's embarrassing to any true American. Do the research yourself if you don't agree.

Business - Green technology, Alternative energy, Maglev Trains and Hybrid car plants are all the wave of the future. My belief is that any domestic company who decides to outsource their jobs to another country, thus taking jobs away from American citizens, should face tax penalties and tariffs so high they end up spending more money than if they kept the jobs in the US. If politicians truly cared for the american worker, this would be a no-brainer.

Gay rights, abortions, prostitution, legalization of marijuana - Since the argument of morality and religion have no bearing on a secular nation, they are null and void with no place in a political discussion. Homosexuals are humans, thus are entitled to marriage rights, abortion is a choice for a woman to decide, prostitution and marijuana should be legalized and regulated by the government to ensure safe usage and to extract taxable income, thus reducing the need for higher income taxes.

I don't want this to turn into an argument for my presidential nomination or anything like that, just an informative argument for those who want to understand exactly what is currently going on in the political landscape.

Valentine's Day Gift Guide: A Break from the Ordinary

Valentine's Gift Guide

In addition to possessing a brilliant political mind along with the ability to find fault with any public official, I happen to be an excellent dispenser of advice.

Be it love, relationships, pets or herpes, I can help remedy your situation with some encouraging words, a cup of hot cocoa and a swift kick in the ass.

I can also give you excellent gift advice.

Valentine's Day is that magical holiday in which women's expectations regarding the romanticism of men are rapidly crushed in a hailstorm of flowers and flavored message chalk.

In the spirit of the holiday, I will massacre a group of 1920's-era Chicago Gangsters...or just write up a gift guide. Either one...

Let's start with the guys:

1. Is your wife or girlfriend (or both) always complaining about how fat she looks? Do large objects instinctively revolve around her? Is her gravitational pull considered a wonder of the scientific community? Then how about a 1-year membership to Curves Gym (Cost: $1,000)? Not only will she drop a couple of metric tons, other men won't be constantly watching her on the Stairmaster (mainly due to the hypnotizing "Jiggle Effect").

2. So let's say your lady friend is a bit older than you. Think Demi Moore, plus 40 years. Better yet, think Dudley Moore. In this situation, your best bet is Breast Firming Cream (Cost: $20-30). It probably won't work, but she'll be happy you're putting forth the effort to make her ex-husband jealous.

3. Gentlemen, we have all faced it. It was once a world-wide epidemic threatening to destroy humanity as we know it. In recent times, it has become eradicated in the more advanced countries, but still it plagues our society. That's right gentlemen, "Too much grass on the playing field". Nations have gone to war over this issue (see Pubiponessian War) and it is high time for full-eradication. Luckily, the most advanced weapon against this debilitating condition is widely available. A Brazilian Bikini Wax (Cost: About $50) will take care the problem immediately. Nothing says I love you like "deforestation".

4. The next item on my list is Wrinkle Cream (Cost: $35). If she needs this, stop picking up women in the damned retirement home!

5. Lastly, for the woman who has it all (including odd smells), try the miracle gift of Femenine Hygiene products (Cost: Varies). Not sure what exactly to buy? Follow this little rhyme: "If something smells iffy, while throwing your Koosh (90's era football), go get your girl, a package of Douche."

Because I am an equal-opportunity blogger, women are just as obligated to buy presents as men are. So women, thank me later.

1. Does your guy get you going, only to disappoint seconds later? Is his nickname "Old faithful" because he erupts every 3 minutes? Is the term "Minute man" his lifelong goal? Well, congratulations, you're dating 99% of the male population. This year, let him know you care with a bottle of Premature Ejaculation cream (Cost: $20). Turn 10 seconds of pleasure into a full half-minute!

2. Maybe your guy isn't one of the many labeled above and can go for hours. The problem is, you fall asleep halfway because you're 99% positive he's just getting creative with a toothpick. This Valentine's Day, your best bet is a box of Small-size Condoms (Cost: $12). The bonus for you? There are about 6,000 in the box, thus saving you money!

3. For the man about town who seemingly eats a shit sandwich for lunch daily, Breath Fresheners (Cost: Less than $5) should do the trick. If you can't tell the difference between kissing his mouth, and kissing his ass, this is a no-brainer.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Time For Limbaugh To Rush Home And Yell At The Cat

Aside from his recent attempt to buy the NFL St. Louis Rams franchise, Rush Limbaugh hasn't been in the news as much as he would like. In a (far from) perfect world, Rush would be the top story on the news every night, talk shows would dedicate entire episodes to his name and prescription drug makers would send him free lifetime supplies.

The world for Mr. Limbaugh however, is not perfect.

In fact, it is becoming increasingly less perfect everyday.

There is no doubt as to his influence. He is the most successful personality in the history of radio and his listeners number around 20 million. The number can be misleading in the sense that at least 30% of those listeners are there because they hate him. Regardless, he gets the ratings and the money, and they get an ulcer.

I am one of the many who fall under the "Severe hatred" category when it comes to Limbaugh. Never would I ask the man to apologize for anything he says, but I'd much rather he just stop talking and/or thinking. I must admit though, the man is very intelligent when it comes to his craft and knows exactly how to bring in ratings...Or at least i thought he did.

Recently, I have noticed the things that he says are becoming less and less articulate. He seems to be reaching further out into right field, almost as if he is begging to cause a controversy or a media firestorm. He wants it, he craves it, and he (desperately) needs it.

During his heyday in the 80's and 90's, Limbaugh would create a controversy using what seemed to be tongue-in-cheek humor. He was still spouting off things too deplorable for any normal human being, yet it was tinged with sarcasm and worded rather eloquently. Nowadays when he speaks, he just spouts off something offensive and the general reaction is "Oh it's just Rush" in a loving or contemptuous manner, depending on your affiliation. He has finally reached the point where he can't really offend anyone anymore because it's just expected. He has passed his prime and has become that crotchety old man who argues with you in a nonsensical fashion while you're trying to run errands. He demands attention, but we have better things to do now.

Rush brings to mind Willie Mays. Not in an athletic sense because i'm sure Limbaugh gets winded while eating. Willie Mays was a great baseball player. He was a spectacular showman and a great hitter in his prime. However, Willie, like many athletes, played too long. By the end of his career, he was getting by on reputation as his hitting and fielding skills deteriorated. He finally had to say goodbye and retired gracefully. Rush Limbaugh might be too blind (or deaf) to realize that it's time to hang it up and be put out to pasture. It's time America ignores Rush Limbaugh and let nature take it's course.

An Inconvenient Douche: The Case Against Glenn Beck

You've seen his face. His pudgy, pasty and often crying face. You've probably heard him speak. He appears nightly on Fox News spewing idiotic vitriol that only the most minuscule of mental midgets could take seriously. He has written books, including what seems to be a self-hating, multiple personality disorder-eschewing gem entitled "Arguing With Idiots: America's Next Epic Battle".


His name is Glenn Beck and he is the newest far-right conservative mouthpiece as well as heir apparent to douche bag extraordinaire, Rush Limbaugh. His viewership numbers in the millions and hundreds of thousands more flock to his live tirades at sold-out venues.


He is also a giant douche.


As the right-wing version of a wack-job consipiracy theorist, Beck blends the "fire and brimstone" theatrics of a Cotton Mather, the jingoistic theocracy promotion of Pat Robertson and tops it all off with an Art Bell-type of outlook on the world. He makes no secret of his disdain for minorities nor his hatred for any religious belief aside from Christianity.


Plain and simple, the man is a joke.


Yet, millions seem to love him. Some even going so far as to put pictures up in their home of the former drug addict and alcoholic. To these small-minded idiots, Beck is some sort of heaven-sent mouthpiece for their own racist, sexist and dangerously nationalistic views. Beck and his ideals represent everything that is wrong with the world.


When a hate-filled, emotionally disturbed conspiracy theorist can get on TV and make false claims while spreading anger and fear, freedom of speech has failed and cult of personality has gone too far.


Let's take a quick look at a small part his track record:


2006 - On his TV show, Beck asked Congressman Keith Ellison (D-MN), a black Muslim, to "prove to me that you are not working with our enemies...And I know you're not. I'm not accusing you of being an enemy, but that's the way I feel."


2009 - Beck, talking about the Henry Louis Gates controversy, said that President Obama has repeatedly shown "a deep-seated hatred for white people {and} the white culture...".


Another despicable incident occurred in July when Beck began devoting episodes of his radio and TV broadcast to criticizing Director of White House Council on Environmental Quality, Van Jones, for prior support of controversially convicted death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal. The subsequent copycat attacks on Jones forced his resignation in September of 2009. Beck took credit for leading the charge, while other conservative lemmings followed suit.


It is a suspicious occurrence when public figures begin attacking others persistently. It shows not only a disdain for humanity, but also a fear of their own dirty laundry being aired.


Nobody ever thinks to ask if this man who so loves America and hates anyone who shows disrespect or questions the system, why he would repeatedly break the law on his own with his rampant drug use and drunk driving.


It is also interesting how this conservative, religious and hateful man had a homosexual affair with a radio colleague back in the 1980's while living in an apartment together.


Yes, Glenn Beck is a douche. A lying, hateful one at that.


It’s time we give him something to truly cry about.

California Meltdown 2009: Armageddon-outta here!

Less than 50 days away from complete bankruptcy, government meltdown and (possibly) another T-1000 attack, California faces a budget crisis the likes of which haven't been seen since World War II. Adding fuel to the proverbial fire is the fact that our legislature, in these dire times, is staying true-to-form, unwilling to compromise on the most miniscule of details("Diet Coke with that sandwich sir?" "Nay!").

Thus far, State Controller John Chiang has stated publicly that a budget is highly unlikely to pass on time, rendering the state unable to approach Wall Street with a viable credit-lending structure, thus limiting them to asking the Haight-Ashbury district for "meds".

Republicans in congress have stated that their demands are simple: Simply cutting any and all programs to help anyone ever. Once that is acheived, the state can pull itself out of debt and compromise on a budget. Then, down the road, we can focus on the shantytowns and post-apocalyptic roaming motorcycle gangs preying on the rest of the population.

Democrats have proposed keeping all of the programs (Including the expensive-but-necessary anti-zombie measures...just in case) and simply raising taxes. The Dems argue that once the average California citizen is paying $650 for a loaf of bread at the local Vons, we can pull ourselves out of debt and return to glory.

Minor relief is coming in the form of the housing market returning to a more normal state. Mind you, "more normal" than utter, suicidal chaos isn't exactly the rock on which to grow the economy (Can things grow on a rock?), but I suppose it's better than people trying to sell houses for a case of Amstel Light with the buyer still negotiating ("How about a 6-pack of Pabst?").

There is a bigger problem here than most citizens realize. When the public officials that we elect to help us in times of crisis are so focused on the politics of politics to pass a budget with a crucial deadline looming and the future financial situation of the state in doubt, the system has clearly failed us. Unfortunately, it's far too late in the history books to change it and, frankly, an Ancient Greek true democracy is not the answer ("I now present Chief Justice Carrot-Top."). The only real power the public has, is one that is utilized not nearly enough; The power to vote.

Imagine if California's citizens decided that they were going to vote every single member of the state legislature, regardless of party affiliation, out of office in the coming election cycles. How enormous of a statement would that be? Larger than the ego's of these "representatives" currently in power.

If California were a private business and the legislature was the finance department, every one of them would be looking for work or delivering pizza's right now. We learn as children to stop the petty squabbling and play nice when we're supposed to. We then re-learn as adults that the petty squabbling is what supposedly makes us unique.

If we're truly going to make a difference, ordinary citizens need to remember that the power lies in the hands of the many, not the few. Oligarchy be damned, California is in trouble and it's time for everyone to get involved.

Also, Sarah Connor, watch out for that T-1000.

The Marriage Debate: A Proposal To End It Altogether

Just as the Civil Rights movement before them, the Gay Rights movement has been dealt a severe legal blow. Just months after Proposition 8 was passed outlawing gay marriage, the California Supreme Court has voted unanimously to uphold the constitutionality of the amendment citing a wacky "will of the people" clause in the state constitution.

It is now time to make a decision.

The obvious choice is to continue the fight and keep going back and forth with the state constitution while fighting for a federal amendment guaranteeing all the benefits of marriage for same-sex couples. This is the most likely course and is one that has been undertaken by such historic figures as Martin Luther King Jr., Mahatma Ghandi, Cesar Chavez and Rosa Parks. But the question remains; Is this a battle that can be won with so many social conservatives out there?

There is one more interesting course of action - my course of action - eliminating marriage altogether. Now i'm not talking about some hedonistic vision of "Brave New World", but more of a fair and equal rendering of justice. The government is not involved in 99% of religious ceremonies and rituals, yet they insist upon issuing a marriage license and extending benefits to married couples from tax breaks to beneficiary information. But let's say for a second that they don't issue marriage licenses. In order to get married you have to go to your church, mosque, or synagogue. What you get from the Registrar's office is a piece of paper that validates your domestic partnership. The partnership ensures all the same rights, privileges and benefits that the archaic marriage license would, but without the label.

It seems only logical that this would be the next step. You don't need a license for a bar mitzvah or a holy communion, so why should you need one for a religious marriage ceremony. If you want the government benefits of a marriage, straight or gay couples, register for a domestic partnership. If you decide you also want the ceremony and religious aspect, go to a church that will agree to do it. It's that simple.

The main argument against same sex marriage is a religious one, so lets take the religion out of it. If the opponents are still opponents, it's safe to say that these were the same people who opposed civil rights, equal gender pay, and basically anything else that goes against their bigoted view of the world.

Jesus said, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's." (Mark 12:17) If this isn't a call, straight from Jesus' mouth, for separation of church and state, I don't know what is. Why not lead by his example and grant equality based on the fact that we are all the same species, instead of pointing out the most miniscule differences between us in order to exploit them. Human rights are not bound by religion, but by our own petty squabbles and insecurities. It's time to end the oppression of our homosexual brothers and sisters.

Obama vs. Hitler

It is now 2 weeks after the most important election cycle in years, in which a black man was elected President of the United States, abortion rights were upheld nationally, and Jack Bauer saved the country yet again, this time from Commie-Nazis.

Still, what is the most amazing thing to happen in the past few weeks? The obvious comparison between President Barack Obama and, you guessed it, Adolf Hitler (R-Germany).

This bit of wisdom came from the mouth of Republican Congressman (and Nazi enthusiast) Paul Broun.

Now, it’s one thing to compare the new president to the anti-Christ or Satan, but Hitler? C’mon!

It is intriguing though and, since we all know the GOP is the morally superior party and are thus unable to tell a lie, maybe there is some credence to Rep. Broun’s comments. Let’s look at exactly what he said:

"It may sound a bit crazy and off base, but the thing is, he's the one who proposed this national security force." "I'm just trying to bring attention to the fact that we may — may not, I hope not — but we may have a problem with that type of philosophy of radical socialism or Marxism."
- Rep. Paul Broun

There you have it. Creating a force, or “Department” to defend national “security”, possibly for our “Homeland”, does seem like a crazy, Marxist idea. Marx was always telling the workers to rise up and defend the homeland, or something to that effect.

Some of you out there in internet reader land may not yet be convinced, so let’s have a look at some of the voting records of Mr. Hitler and Mr. Obama.

-Hitler authored the “Final Solution” legislation which was intended to exterminate Jews in Europe at the height of World War II and the Great Depression. After much deliberation, it finally passed after he tacked on a rider granting citizens “A schnitzengruben in every pot”. Also, he murdered the opposition.

-Obama opposed the War in Iraq, but never said he was against terminating Jews in the process.

-Hitler annexed various German-speaking countries in Europe with little resistance until years later.

-Obama “annexed” various German-related foods at the Epcot Center in Florida with little resistance until hours later.

-Hitler was a painter.

-Obama is, officially, a color.

Yes the similarities between the two are striking, if not eerie. Kudos to you Rep. Broun for your courageous vilification of the new president. You truly are an American Her-…Wait….

Broun?

Sounds German to me….

Richard Simmons and such and such....

When we go to the polls to exercise our constitutional rights this November (Voting, not bearing arms), everyone should look at Proposition 8 and breathe a collective sigh of relief.

It’s wonderful that we live in an era where the biggest, most pressing issue in the country is whether a group of people can label themselves as “married” or not.

Wow!

I thought that major issues like the economy, war, poverty, governmental corruption and Richard Simmons would never go away, but turn on the TV and poof! Apparently our biggest fear is gay marriage…and oh yeah, the economy, war, poverty, corruption and an increasing media bias against Richard Simmons (that magnificent bastard).

It’s amazing to think that with the times we live in, a group of people would spend so much time, money and effort to oppress another group of people.

Have we learned nothing from the past? Oppression is tiring.

Now, I’m always hearing people give me their own cockamamie excuses against oppression. From “It’s morally wrong” to “Please give us back our freedom”, I hear the gamut of excuses daily.

Is it really going to hurt the economy to let the gay’s marry? Weddings are about as gay as a guy named Bruce in crotch-less leather chaps to begin with (Bruce, please stop sending me those pictures).

Whatever crazy nonsense you believe in, (catholic or non-catholic), keep the following in mind when making a decision: Richard Simmons can continue sweatin’ to the oldies with a bunch of land manatee’s, or he can sweat to the altar with his significant other, most importantly, in private.

Think about it.

Condi Gets Tough With Russia; World Slaps Collective Forehead

Deciding that nuclear holocaust may not be that bad of an idea, Secretary of State Michelle Obama...wait...I mean Condoleeza Rice, today told the press that the "timing isn't right" for a civilian nuclear cooperation deal with Russia.

The move fueled speculation that President Bush is planning to punish Russia for invading Georgia (Not fully realizing which Georgia is in question). How he plans to punish them is unknown, but the consensus thought is that the he plans to take away their XBOX 360 for two weeks. Russia thinks that is totally unfair and hates the US. Hates them, hates them, hates them!

Traveling (Hunting trip?) in Italy, Vice-President Dick "Dick" Cheney said, "Russia's actions are an affront to civilized standards and are completely unacceptable," clearly forgetting who he is.

This whole situation smells of a new cold war (and Chicken Parmesan). The Bush Administration are flexing their muscles at the Russians, while the Russians are acting like it's the 1950's again. 

The deal is still expected to go through at some point, but the elaborate posturing on both sides can be a bit unnerving for those of us born before Hannah Montana.

As was posted not too long ago, the US and Russia are on the verge of another cold war, and something like this isn't exactly the best way to avoid it. Making matters worse are comments by the hot-yet-crazy VP candidate Sarah Palin. 

When asked whether she thought war with Russia was a possibility, she made every effort to say yes, without actually saying yes. 

Here's hoping for military blue balls.

McCain tags Palin as Running mate; Cougars everywhere rejoice.

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Striking a blow for Milf's and cougars all across America, GOP presidential hopeful John McCain chose Alaska Gov. Sarah "Puck Bunny" Palin as his choice for VP candidate. 

Democrats have chosen to attack Palin on her lack of experience, relative indifference to the VP position and smoking hot body. Their claims that such an inexperienced politician is just a heartbeat (or melanoma) away from the presidency, counter the Dem's actual practice of putting someone with similar experience (Though not as hot) in the position to begin with. 

Many pundits have derided the Palin choice as an attempt to win the angry, female Hillary supporters. Others have claimed that McCain wanted to counter the Democratic ticket with a minority of his own. Still others say that McCain is pandering to the socially conservative right wing of the GOP. 

I say they're all wrong.

McCain sees the need to have as many smoking hot women surrounding him in his remaining days as possible, like his hero, Hugh Hefner.

I wouldn't be surprised to see him fill-in his cabinet with Rachel McAdams, Scarlett Johansson, and Jessica Alba (pre-baby).

Sure the sensible choice would have been a Joe Lieberman or Mitt Romney, but give me a break. Neither of those guys are going to act as a substitute for Viagra. Kudos to you and your obvious virility John McCain!

In other news, now that the most hyped hurricane to ever break land and disappoint disaster fanatics has come and gone, the GOP convention has finally gotten underway. Lots of old, white people talking about how much they love America, littered with a few country "music" stars singing about shoving a boot up Obama's ass. You know, the usual.

The only real memorable moment was Palin taking the stage to the tune of "Stacy's Mom" by Fountains of Wayne.

Maybe that was just in my head...

McCain/Milf '08.